Relationships are HARD WORK! There is no manual, you don’t know what you are getting or what you have until months down the road, and there is never a guarantee – not even in marriage.
I have been with my honey for a while now. When we first got together, there were so many odds against us. There was family pressures, friend and acquaintance pressures and then there was the blending of families and is trying to go from being super independent to begin codependent. There were days that I contemplated should we go on. Good thing is that for the most part, I don’t just give up – on ANYTHING!
Because there was so much against us, and I didn’t want this relationship to end abruptly because of external factors, I decided that I would be very intentional about how I show up in the relationship, and this is our secret.
Being intentional seems like such an obvious thing to do. But there are several people who actually don’t show up in this way. I’m sure you’re now confused after having said that people don’t show up that way. You are confused because you know people, maybe even yourself, have said that they would make sure to do whatever they could to make it work. Well, that’s a soft approach, and it works. However, the secret in my relationship, has really been to be very present to the choices I make in our relationship. We have talked about what should we do when shit is hitting the fan? What should we do when there are a bunch of “kid stuff,” and we have to make choices? What do we do when we are having a bad day, sad, excited, have good news, calling and one of us doesn’t pick up?
Answering these questions have allowed us to problem solve even before the problem shows up. It brings us closer, because we both have an agreement on how we show up for each other. We are present and intuitive to what is going on, and what needs need to be met. We are intentional.
If this is something that you are not all too familiar with, why don’t you try it today. Grab your partner, and ask this one question to get the conversation going, “How do you want to be in our relationship?” And when they answer, follow up with this question, ” And what is the impact on you and our relationship of you showing up that way?”
And watch how much more open and connected you become. Once you try it, I want to know how it went. Drop a comment below to share what happened with me.